Suffering Is Always Optional
You can have a perfect life, a perfect career, a great relationship, wonderful friends, lots of money and great health – and chances are you are still doing your share of daily suffering (worry, anxiety, desire, aversion, excessive thinking, etc.). So, what about the other 99.999% of humanity, who have lots of things they would desperately like to change? They definitely have more than their fair share of day to day suffering. This sort of suffering is simply a fact of the human condition.
It’s our big neocortical minds. That wonderful evolutionary adaptation that allows us to imagine, solve complex problems and converse, also has a seemingly endless capacity to anticipate the future, worry about unfavorable scenarios, compare and judge whatever is happening as being less than optimal. And the more we resist whatever is happening, the more we suffer.
Every life has its share of genuine pain, both physical and emotional. This is mandatory. However, when we resist, pout, deny, try to flee or just generally rail against whatever we deem to be unpleasant, we are adding suffering to the pain. And the suffering is completely optional.
Here is a simple formula to remember:
Suffering = Change x Resistance
(The suffering you experience is equal to whatever resistance you give to the changes you experience in your life.)
If you accept whatever comes as simply being a fact (not some universal plot to make your life miserable) you stop the suffering. From that small act of sanity, you can then respond, create and begin to act in whatever way you choose and your energy will be focused on the reality of your situation, not the fantasy of how you would prefer it to be.
It may not be easy, but it is that simple. Drop your resistance and the suffering vanishes.
You might ask, “Yes, makes sense, but how do I drop my resistance?”
This is a very important question. You can actually make some small measure of progress by having your thinking mind convince itself to stop complaining and resisting life. But really, that is like asking a fish to stop swimming. It’s what it does, so it is not going to stop for long. You might as well just accept that you will never get the thinking mind to be happy for long, no matter how much discipline or positive psychology you employ.
The deeper teaching here is to cultivate your sense of identity with the witnessing part of your awareness that is noticing your mind’s highly conditioned tendency to want life to be different than it is. If you can notice a particular behavior pattern, then clearly that is not who you are. It may be a part of you. It may be a part you have long collapsed your identity into. However, if you notice it, then obviously there is a behavior and something witnessing it. Get curious about exploring and remaining as the witnessing part of your awareness. (Which in its purest form does not judge and has no intention, attachment or personal agenda.)
Once you stop feeding behaviors with identity, you essentially surrender the need to act on every thought or emotion. You can get good at trusting that every situation will come and go on its own accord. Many behaviors begin to fade away or simply loose their traction on you. You remain more open, creative, resourceful and spontaneously able to respond appropriately to every eventuality in life.
Sometimes simple truths are the most powerful.
